Hi guys, im sorry i've been away and stuff, XD well i wanted to share this with you, um it was something that has been on my mind so here it goes:

Friends, just the thought of that word alone is suppose to mean so much. It a sense of peace and joy to have company. People that you can trust and be yourself around . With every new friendship, you get know certain people and you get to keep it casual and fun or to privilege a few  you've developed a deeper connection with.

  When I was in elementary school, I had no friends and it was something I desperately wanted. I was tired of alway being the one that sat in a corner drawing and being awkward. It just sadden me so much. I was made fun of for being the goofy fat kid with an accent and no one wanted to be around me and i had no idea how change that. I really longed for a companion, not imagery, a person, but I had a lot of growing to do. I wouldn't find this out till much later when I attended middle school, I befriended a fellow quiet teen whom turned out to be my future best friend for years to come and showed our loyalty to each other. But of course like everything else, I had to earn it.

  I learned the ups and downs of keeping a good friendship even when it's taken for granted which has happened  before. I try to treasure it as much as I can so that it won't end all of a sudden, over doubt or misconceptions.

I really felt lucky having friendship, I still very much. I treasure all of them. It's funny how now a days, people take less regard what they do with friends and how much is either pushed or simply taken for granted.

  Our society has been so digitized that people would rather  socialize online than in person, it still boggles me that I've seen people start up conversations (in person) with their phones by showing a video or cracking up music, instead of "let's have a good talk and see how have you've been" and both parties listening to each other without any distractions.  This is sadly becoming more the norm and more rare i find actual meet ups with just simple talking/hanging out. People rather text than voice, eliminating that  little bit of contact that makes us human and feel emotion. Now it's just all hidden, you get made fun of for having feelings, it's kinda funny how everything is completely desensitized.

   I've also seen how people just hurt others and act like it never happened or it's this constant in denial, words like "I'm sorry" are either overused or not even mentioned.  I've really grown bitter seeing and experiencing how people play with feelings and still consider you a "friend" not understanding that people take your opinion to heart because you're their friend and they are giving that trust because they have created that bond. Now it's like we can't even trust our own friend anymore.

  What hurst the most is the reasons for this behavior, trying not accept their own mistakes rather than just admit then. Admitting something you did wrong not only shows character, but it also shows maturity and I believe that is something that should always be respected because they are respecting you for admitting their faults and not hiding from them or pretending it never happened, like if it's all gonna reset itself if no one mentions it or play the victim.

I'm reflecting on this because this has been lingering in my mind for a while and I will admit, I'm no expect,  I'm not perfect, I've done things wrong and I had taken for granted my friends before but  I've learned form it. Its one of my stepping stones for letting me grow.  Now I hold on to my friends because I really do love them and I always wanna be there for them.

The worst thing to feel is feeling that you're less of friend, I've felt that plenty. I guess I putt too much pressure on myself and I don't like disappointing anyone, but of course there is a balance for everything and stilling trying to balance myself.

This was something I wanted to share and get your input.

Thank you for reading.