hi guys hows it going? I know i have not really be updating as much as i should be and i guess im just gonna take this opportunity to just vent out a few things on my mind, just to simply release it.
There's been a lot of worry on my mind lately and i can not shake it off, as much as i try.
I guess i'm worried about different things. I've been having a lot of home drama. My Father left for the
States to get checked up on his surgeon that removed his tumor almost a year ago, which is good, im glad hes going to check on that and also he will visiting family. Thats fine,

My mother hasn't really been progressing at all and it really is taking its toll on me, the last thing that happened was this whole issue with my brother's new meds that helps hims sleep at night, she took it a pone herself to try one of my brother's pills so she could sleep, and now she can't sleep with out them. I had to beg her to talk to HER doctor and see if they are appropriate for her cuz my brother was not gonna have enough pills by the time he was gonna see his doctor. So my mother's shrink prescribed her own batch of pills and at least that worked out, but she is still kinda refusing to go for actual sessions, but to be perfectly honest, i wouldn't mind if she would see a whole new shrink. the one that she's had for 30 years has not done anything for her at all in fact i think it just has progressively has made her worse. She's been addicted to Xannax provided by her shrink and its just made her into a zombie over the years, angry and bitter.

My brother...well i dunno anymore. He's not been in school for a year and there is still a case pending on his behalf. Hopefully he'll get to go for summer school in June, i really hope, what worries me is his behaver, its been very unstable and it was so inappropriate, that his own school didn't wanna deal with him. I wish there better facilities here in Puerto Rico, but there really isn't. I know my brother would benefit so much better in the States, hell for all i know he might even get to speak one day...

i swear there are days that i don't wanna care as much, and just say: 'fuck it" and up and leave and not look back, But i can not leave just as, what would happen if i left? that question haunts me in a continuous fashion everyday. Im sick of fighting everyday with my mom about her being inconsiderate with me, and blaming me for everything when im trying to help her as much as i can. I want my own life, and i have asked for help form the government, my father and...nothing...

Im still trying though...i much as i can and take it one day at a time, But there are days that i can't even work and do what i owe and continue, or just draw for me...no new ideas, no new inspiration, my whole surrounding don't even let me concentrate. All of my stress has build up, and all that on my mind is "i don't wanna disappoint anybody" i hate feeling that way. My self satisfaction is to make someone happy.
Im still working on sketches and overdue commissions and now *spunkywulf 's auction collabs which is cool, i've always wanted to do it and help her out. But i just wanna finish all i need to finish.

I'm somewhat worried also about upcoming AC, i just hope i get to finish everything on time for the con and to be ready to draw, and participate in Artist Alley this year. Im worried about whom i'm rooming with, my friends, but there's some tension there and i just hope there isn't any drama and everybody gets to enjoy the con. Im excited at the same time im gonna get to see people that i've met and have not met, and spend a great time and just talking and doodling on their sketchbooks cuz im a dork like that.

i hope after all this, i'll get to have more of a clear mind and more focused and disciplined to work harder and be able to make my own life, even if it is a small step at a time.

*takes a deep breath* wow this has been my longest post ever Im sorry, but i do feel a lot better now after letting all of this out. Thank you all so much for reading and supporting me. I really appreciate every single one of you. thank you. :3